My hobby of shopping...

So those of you who know me, know that I enjoy going shopping. I love keeping up with the new trends and seasons. Although I am not going to lie there are some trends I have a difficult time embracing and not just because of size. Possibly because I wore it when I was 7 and to wear it again when I am 29...well I have some hesitation.

After loosing about 50lbs it was time to help the "girls" get back into place. It amazing what a bra that fits will do for ones "girls" and body shape. Gots to love some new bras. This is one of my new addition's. I love it!

Don't exactly look like that in it, but hey its the thought that counts! Its great to see the "girls" front and center!

Commitment

So this afternoon I am heading out with my lovely hubby and friends to Vegas and Cali. I am excited. We will be road tripping it and be gone for about 5 days. I am excited and nervous all the same. It will be great to be on the road enjoying each others company, but I am nervous as to what the scale will read when I return. So this is my vow as well as commitment to workout while on vacation as well as eat right. I don't want to come back 5lbs heavier, in fact I want to see a weight loss if at all possible. Got to keep on track. I am finally in the 220's and feeling good. I want to see 199 before New Years...so no time to waist.

Ahhh the small things...

Ok so I am a little embarassed to admit this, and its kind of silly at the same time. So last week as I was driving to pick up my husband from work 2 guys hit on me. Ok, ok...now dont jump to conclusions here. No I was not fishing to be hit on and NO I was not wearing the bikini shown below. I just happened to be driving the car on a beautiful fall summer like day with the windows down. I was enjoying my tunes when I pulled up to a red light. Not thinking anything of it I hear someone say "HEY" I ignore and make some stereo adjustments and hear another "hey you" I look over and 2 guys are pulled up next to me the driver leaning over his buddy and both of them saying hey. I look over with a little bit of hesitation and say "hey" with my brows furled in a little bit of confusion. They proceed to try small talk, first about the car, which is funny because all I know about my car is learned from Fernando, and I keep thinking he would be so proud of me because I was actually listening when he told me about the car...lol. Secondly they proceed to say well we really like your car and its very nice looking and then they say "you look really good in it" followed with "but I am sure you already know that" and I reply with a ..."thanks"...believe me with some hesitation...it was a very weird and somewhat awkward situation, but I am not going to lie after the light turned green and I was heading on my way to pick up Fernando I thought to myself...I STILL GO IT!...lol Its funny that something like this can give you that extra little pick me up to think that you can do this! I am not going to lie the old me started to think of things like oh geeze these guys are probably just being jerks and having a good laugh now that "the fat girl" thinks that we were hitting on her. Or really all they cared about was the car. Yes, yes these are the thoughts I would have grown up with. Gots to love the low self-esteem that comes with being overweight for so long. I always wanted so badly to be thought of as beautiful and what one may have called a potential threat to other girls in the dating scene almost 10 or more years ago, but I just never had that. OK...now to stop the pitty party. Please do keep in mind I do not think I am ugly, however my actual body-image not so great. There is no doubt in my mind that Fernando does think I am beautiful and treats me as so. In fact he is actually really good at telling me so, and NO it does not take a perfect stranger to make me feel beautiful. However I am not going to lie and tell you that a perfect stranger going out of his way to say so...well it does make me feel good. So is that wrong? I mean I know I am married, but is there something wrong with this. Oh and a side not I did tell my husband after picking him up and he was MORE proud of the fact that I knew the stuff about the car then the fact that some guy was flirting...lol...doesnt surprise me...lol...Anyway.... I still have a lot to work on body image wise, and heres to feeling beautiful on the inside and out, feeling stronger, and reaching my goals of a lifetime! Heres to being my HOT self at 30!!

The "real" me...not for the faint of heart....

So I have been hesitant to do this. Thinking I would wait until I had reached my goal weight, but I have come to the conclusion that if people want to really get to know me they are going to have to see me in all my glory...(well not all my glory, but you get the idea.) The picture on the left was taken in Feb. 2009 as my before pic. of my boot camp attempt and the second pic is dated today. Please note this swimsuit will never be worn in public only purchased for this type of thing, don't judge me...it was only $.50. Its interesting to compare and definitely motivates me to keep working, to not give up and to really make this happen. The woman I have dreamed of being will be here sooner then I can imagine.

The before pic is probably about 270 mind you I maxed out on surgery day at 275. My today weight is 233...lots more to go. Please notice the 2nd pic of back view you can see my back strap on my suit....hmmmm I wonder where that went in the first picture.

4 days and counting...

So this last week I have made a commitment to myself to work out daily. So far we are 4 for 4 and I am hoping it will get easier. I am trying to use all my willpower and coordination to go to Zumba. The new latin infused, hip-hop, dance freakie, aerobic workout. So my local Rec. Center offers these Zumba classes that are included in my monthly membership. So I figure I might as well take advantage of them right? RIGHT! So I decide to lace up my shoes and off to class I go. Thinking, oh wait knowing, that I can bust a move with the best so I should be just fine. Final last words...All i know is I did not realize that my feet could get so twisted up. All I can picture is the story my mom use to tell me about her getting so twisted up in her skis on her honeymoon that the ski patrol had a difficult time untwisting her. I can seriously picture it, and now I am following in her footsteps. Minus the snow and skis and mountain and a few other things, but that is besides the point. Even though I may trip over my feet more then once, I must admit I do still have fun. 60 mins of laughing at myself, and smiling is great for ones inner self. I love a workout that goes by fast, makes me "glisten" and burns calories. Oh and can I just say the woman teaching the class, I believe her name to be Tess, well all I can say is if I keep doing this and end up looking like her I will be one happy camper. She is 41 and looks no older then 31...here's to looking 10 years younger.

Speaking of which, my 30th is knocking on the door. I cant say that I am not happy about this, but somewhat shocked. Where did all this time go? I can not believe that I am almost 30 I do feel like I just graduated high school and that I was just living with mom and dad. Seriously I am an adult, how did this happen? I can not believe that I have allowed so much time to past and not accomplish some of the things I had thought I would by this time in life, and no we are not talking children. Although to take a step back and think that when my mother was my age she had 3 children...well that is a little bit of a snatch my breath thing. I do have friends with 3 children, but I can honestly say I can not imagine my life with 3, and I don't think I would have done this differently. There are reasons for everything and me not having children in life well I do think it is a blessing. I think if I had children this journey of weight loss may have never happened...along with so many other things.

Ok now for a not so serious note. So being as my 30th is knocking on the door. February 15th to be exact. I am looking to do something fun. Something BIG!! To celebrate the birthday along with this new journey in life. I am thinking something tropical or cruise like. Any suggestions or ideas?

500

Well last night after doing some lovely cleaning and cooking I sat down for a minute to relax and on came "Biggest Loser" immediately I felt guilty for not exercising or going to the gym. Man guilt sure can run away with me that is for sure. So me being the person I am and have a hard time dealing with guilt gets thinking, OK I need to be doing something. Exercising, something to get going. So while I am watching the show the 1st challenge comes on which is used in illuminating people and qualifying them to go to the ranch. The challenge is 500 steps and who can do it the fastest. Me being the person I am thinks to myself..."500 steps, that is easy". Then I think to myself "if its so easy then do it". I hesitate for a minute thinking nahhh...I just know I can do it. No need to prove it to anyone, but then think to myself well I do need to get my workout in tonight, so why not?! So I head over to my top stair and start counting. 1,2,3....50...100...and so and, and so on. By 250 I am definitely moving a lot slower, and starting to glisten. I keep going and push through to 500, and seriously got my heart rate going. Not as easy as it looked, definitely doable, but not a piece of cake that is for sure. Now on to bigger things!

Has it really been this long??

Well I am sure that a certain friend of mine would exclaim YES to the question above, and I wish I had a good enough excuse as to why it has been so long. I honestly think that things started changing for me and well I was not living up to the standard or expectations that I had set for myself. I guess that is one of my flaws and something I need to work on. These past few months the weight has started to slow down a little when it comes to coming off. What I mean by this is well I am still loosing, but I its not melting off as easy as I would like it to. Yes such is life, and yes I knew this would happen, but really I was not emotionally prepared for this. I took it as a failure. I have beaten myself up when it comes to this. If I was not averaging 2lbs loss a week, well I was feeling terrible about myself. I was going back to my emotions pre-surgery and pre-weight loss attempts. Getting myself thinking that I was just going to fail again. I know, I know it all takes time and hang in there you will get through this. I know all the sayings and all the thoughts to just "buck up", and "your doing great". I have heard it all, but it honestly did not matter to me what anyone said, I myself needed to feel like I was doing great.

So I finally had a breakthrough, it took me a while, but it came. So lately I have decided its time to clean up things in life. You know if I am changing my outward appearance why not work on cleaning up things around me. So starting with my craft room/office I did just that. With many different things in this room from old bills to drills and thread to candles there was a lot to go through, and on thing I happened to come across is something that really made my day. I found an old booklet I had from Weight Watchers. I am sure many of us have seen them, they are a tri-fold booklet with your weight for the day and then your loss for that week. Stamped each time you attend the meeting and accumulate your weight loss. Well I found one (meaning I probably have more then one floating around) of mine from 2008. A little more then 2 years ago with my lowest weight tracked at 244. I looked at that again 244 in 2008...wow I am lower then that! REally! WOW I guess I have made some changes, I thought to myself. I know, I know what you are thinking...duh Heather we have told you that, but to be honest I was just not feeling it. So seeing this has really helped. To see some past history where I was not able to reach my goals and to now see myself pass the past weight loss tries. Well I guess it motivated me, helped me to realize again I can do this. Pumped me up if you will! ANyway I am back and ready to do this. Lifes trials are just that trials and tries. Its time to TRY at this TRIAL and SUCCEED!!

Still Learning...

Ughhh... So last night was interesting. So I think sometimes that I think that I am "normal". I forget that I am not invincible and that the band will disapprove of certain things. And well last night was no exception to this rule. Last night we had gone with some good friends to this great little spot downtown called Shogun, its a sushi bar. It had a great little patio area and great atmosphere. I had been craving sushi and I know when I go out with these friends it is not hard to convince to get sushi. So I ordered my rolls and headed back to the table. Put in one piece and doing good. Second piece ok...however all of the sudden it was stuck. Seriously...i have 2 rolls sitting in front of me and I am stuck on the second piece. Geeze...now the real problem what do I do. I am in public feel like i need to up-chuck this because it hurts. So I do what any girl would do excuse themselves from the table and head FAST to the bathroom. Luckily there was nobody else in there, because unfortunately it was coming back out. I was so irritated and embarrassed. Ugh it was so uncomfortable. Finally after a few minutes I was feeling better headed back to the table and passed my plate to someone else. Bummer I won't be enjoying Sushi for a long time. Who knows if I ever will be able to. I may try another approach some time in the future, but not the near future. That was a little more pain then I like to experience espcially in public. So the moral of the story no sushi for me... :(

Little life Changes

So in this new adventure one thing I have told myself is to make baby steps in changing the way I do things. With that being said or thought or whatever you want to think today was one of those days to practice what I think. So I decided to accomplish two things at once. I walked to the grocery store to pick up some things for dinner. I know for some of you who know where I live you may think big deal, but for me I feel like this is a step in the right direction. Although to be honest it was somewhat of an easy walk, at least it was a walk. Baby steps ok!...lol. Nahh we are getting there.

Also something even more fun is I picked up some new workout gear. So if anyone knows me I love shopping and fashion. I love finding a good deal and I love feeling good in what I am wearing. I have been trying so hard to refrain from shopping due to the fact that well I am hoping not to be in sizes for very long. So I have decided to try and limit my purchases, however I can always justify a new workout outfit. Right? Right! I was once told that if you feel good about how you look you have a tendency to work harder and push yourself at the gym. So no argument here I will definitely find the outfit that makes me feel best. So I now am the new owner of 2 new outfits or gym gear and am feeling good. I think I am hooked on the capri workout pants now. Maybe after a few more pounds loss I will post some pics of the new gear.

Firsts...

So before I forget I thought I would share my first "fill" experience. So I think the majority of you have heard me discuss what a "fill" is, but just in case. A "fill" consists of adding saline to my band to make it tighter so that the food moves slower into my stomach leaving me filling full for longer. Well after surgery we are asked to come in about 4 weeks later for your first adjustment or fill. As scheduled I went in. I wasn't really sure what to expect. I was a little nervous, I mean there is a huge needle involved so what do you expect. So basically it goes like this. Nurse 1 said to nurse 2, do you want to give it a try. I think to myself...try?? Ummm guys I don't think she should be doing this if she is only trying. I want an experienced person doing this, this is my first time. Needless to say it made me all the more nervous. Nurse 2 started feeling around on my abdomen and pressing hard. It was slightly uncomfortable. All I could think is I may be fat, but seriously I still have feeling in my stomach. I actually said something to nurse 2 to let her know it was hurting. She said oh just a minute. Finally after her "thinking" she might have found the port nurse 1 steps into to double check. Hey thanks for checking...nurse 1. Anyway long story short my first "fill" experience not the most pleasant. Not terrible, but not comfortable that is for sure. Here is hoping that my next adjustment which will be next week will be a little better.

Niece and Nephew WORKOUTS!!

Well it has been absolutely too long. I know this and have been reminded of this often by friends and family. I do need to apologize. Life has gotten busy, but that just isnt a good enough excuse. I am vowing to be better at this. I know that I do better reaching my goals when I write them down. So I need to start on it.

I am doing pretty good it was 2 months on the 29th of June, and I am down 32lbs which I can not complain about. I am feeling so much more energy. This past few weeks I have had the opportunity to spend time with my niece and nephews. Its amazing how much more energy I have to play with them. So something about me is I have the cutest niece and nephews. I have been spoiled to have such great kids to enjoy. I love spending time with them and the best thing about it is I get to be a kid again when i play with them. I love it!! Can I just say it has been YEARS since I was on a trampoline, and probably more because of my weight, and the nervousness of getting on the trampoline and causing some things to break, and not just on me. It is amazing the confidence that I have after loosing 30lbs. I love running around and playing with the kids. They keep me on my toes that is for sure. It also has helped this past weekend when I did not have time to get in a workout because of spending time with the family, I was able to get my workout by chasing around the kids. Thanks Melisa for sharing.

Mental Block...

So lately this new lifestyle has become a huge mental challenge for me. What I mean by this is so much of this change needs to happen in my head. I always new that it would be mental, but I would honestly have to say that it is probably 90% mental, and a lot more difficult then expected. I never thought it would be easy per say, but I guess what I did think is that I would be strong enough and not experience this part of it. I didn’t realize how much I think about food let alone think that I “need” food. At times its just the action of the chewing of food, and then it’s the flavors, it’s not because I am hungry or need the nutrients its just because I crave the actual food itself. Some might say then chew on some gum…well just so you are aware my brain is smarter then that an can not be fooled. When going through the different lap-band prep classes the stress to you the importance of this procedure only being a “tool”, and now I know what this means. Don’t get me wrong I am not giving up. All I know is I still have a lot of work to do both physically and mentally. Time to set some goals, and work hard on them. Time to keep myself busy, and out of the refrigerator. Time to spend more time at the gym.

ER

So it’s been a while…I know. It has been a very eventful week or two.

Last week started out well. I went and did some strength training with Dad on Monday. He knows his stuff and really helped me out. Tuesday I was feeling ok. I had some soreness was just chalking it up to my workout from the day before. Wednesday comes around and I am extremely sore. Sore and having other problems. I was a little concerned. It wasn’t the normal muscle sore it was a pain in my lower back. I decided not to wait to long, because with surgery only have been 3 weeks prior I didn’t want to mess around. So into the dr. I went. He tells me I am constipated. I think to myself are you sure, heck I even ask him if he thinks I might have a kidney infection because of my symptoms. He said no, and sent me off with a RX in hand. Went to the pharmacy filled the RX and started on it ASAP. Hoping to help alleviate the pain. No such luck. Later that evening in order to sleep I decided to take things into my own hand and use some of my left over Loritab to help me sleep. I was miserable, and I knew this would do the trick, and it did. Woke up in the morning feeling pretty good still a little sore, but nothing I couldn’t bare. Started on our way to work while the pain started getting worse and worse. Dropped the hubby off at work and headed into work. Still not feeling so great. Decided to just take it easy and then when the Dr’s office opened at 8am I would call them and give them an update of the pain and the RX not helping. Mind you it is 6am and I am trying to deal for 2hours. Call at 8am and the Dr. is unavailable, of course. Relay the message and question and say I need to know what to do ASAP, because I am in a lot of pain now. Wait around till 8:30 and still no call back as to what to do, decide to take things into my own hand and head into the ER. Now I am not a huge ER fan. I mean seriously I can count on one hand and probably 3 fingers how many times I myself have had to go to the ER. So when I decided to go I was in pain believe me. Well was admitted fairly quickly and the nurse came in to ask a few questions. The doctor soon came in after. Ordered a CT scan and started running tests. Two attempts by the “crappy” nurse I received an IV for some pain killers. ( I have a bruise to justify the “crappy” part) I was starting to feel better. We waited for a few hours when the test results came back the doctor comes in and says…well…” your pain is definitely justified, you are trying to pass a kidney stone”…ugh. I must admit I was happy to hear that it was justified, but seriously this is all new territory to me. I had never felt such pain in my life so I was still a little nervous. However I did get to receive some wonderful narcotics to help with the pain. Anyway long story short…focusing on eating well and exercising was out staged by the kidney stone. NOW its time to get back into action. I will post pics of my bruise later.

Hope..

From: Heather:
HELP!!
Lesley HELP!!! So I am into week 2 of eating, the 29th of April was my surgery came in and weighed in for 1st breakfast on the 6th with a weight loss of 19lbs...Which I was ecstatic about. Now a week later and following the guidelines on food I have actually gained a pound. I am so full of emotions I don't know what to do. Is this normal? I know I need to work on getting my 64oz of water each day, and I am really working hard on this, but this pound thing is really killing me. I have started working out since last week and been doing really good at getting 30+ minutes in a day, but this is discouraging. Any words of wisdom will help. Thanks Heather

From: Sandi.Birch
RE: HELP!!

Hi Heather,
Don’t worry about the scale going up slightly during the full liquid diet; that almost always happens. Before surgery (very low calorie diet) and after surgery (clear liquid diet) you depleted all of your glycogen (the carbohydrate stored in your liver and muscles). Now as you begin to consume some carbohydrates again you will rebuild some of that (and that is a good thing). That carbohydrate is linked together with water so you weight will go up slightly, but the increase on your scale is not fat gain. Don’t worry – just follow the diet recommendations – you will continue to lose weight over time (even if the scale fluctuates some day to day.) Thanks for your good questions, always feel free to contact us for answers, support, and whatever else we can do to help.
Best of luck,
Sandi

Really??

Today is a difficult day. Today marks 2 weeks from surgery, and well my scale is killing me. So we all know that my first week had some remarkable results of a total of 19lbs lost. I was amazed and excited to say the least. Now after following the rules I get on the scale and I have actually gained a pound. It doesn’t make sense. During the week I was down 2 or 3 more pounds and now I get on the scale this morning and up 1…WHAT?? I am embarrassed. I am sick to my stomach. I mean I understand that my first week was a huge loss, but seriously is this normal?? I mean I have started working out and eating the foods I should, and this is what I get back. I want to cry, I want to lie in bed and not get out. It seriously just sickens me. I know that I just need to realize that its ok and my body is just adjusting to all the changes, but seriously that is just easier said then done. I have sent an S.O.S to some of those in the clinic, hoping they can offer up some words of advice, maybe even letting me know that it is somewhat normal. I did not realize exactly how much mental plays a part in this life change until yesterday and today. I am holding my head up, although it is heavy and seems to fall here and there. Lets hope for the best for next week.

Exercise

To do or not to do, that is the question. I mean I know I need to be doing it and I know I will feel better when I do it, but now to just make time to do it. I am setting a goal to work out a minimum of 4 times a week for 30 minutes each time. I have to get this butt into gear.

Tonight was "Hip Hop Abs" all I can say is that I sure don't hip and hop like I use to. Here's hoping that the hipping and hopping will get a little less easier as time goes by.

Ummm yeah!!!

So I made it! I am very happy to say I made it past the chicken and beef broth, along with sugar free jello. Now on to the good stuff. Oatmeal, yogurt, protein shakes, and V8...I know to some that does not sound so great, but to me it sounds amazing. I am thrilled to be moving on in this journey especially when it includes bringing better foods.

Today is a big day for me. Today marks one week from my surgery date. Today is my first official weigh-in....and the results please... well weighing in on 4/29/2010 with a total weight of 275 today I weighed in at 256. Yes that is a total of 19lbs. I am stoked! oh and motivated. I was hoping for a good number but seriously never dreamed of one that big. Its exciting and surreal all at the same time. It has been a while since I have seen the 250's, I am a little ashamed to admit, but I am proud to say that I am in the 250's. It was funny the other day my dear sweet friend and i were talking about what I weighed when starting out on this journey, and I stated the facts 275, she was shocked. Not a bad shock, but more of I did not even realize you were that big. She is to sweet. She has never seen me as large as I really am, and that truly means a lot to me. However, I do see myself for as large as I am as well as how thin I am to be.

I need to tell my mom thanks! Thanks for driving me to Idaho to meet with my new "gang". Thanks for letting me chat your ears off and get excited and share this moment with you. It was great I know she wants this for me as much as I do, and that makes it that much easier to accomplish it.

One more day, and one week down!

So tomorrow is the “big” day. Yep Thursday the 6th marks one week from surgery, and my follow up. I am excited to say the least. My mom has graciously agreed to go with me to my follow-up and what they call “First Breakfast”. I am excited to include her on this new life change.

My parents have always been so supportive of me trying to become healthier. Once upon a time I would do Tae-Bo in their living room and my dad use to say “So when you going to be an aerobics instructor?” They have always wanted me to be happy with my body as well as help me to become the healthy women that I wanted to be. I remember many talks with my dad, who just happens to be someone that I admire for his attention to fitness. He really cares about his health and works hard to improve it. He is a great role model to me. Honestly if I can just keep up with him on a bicycle one of these days, I would know that the healthy me has come full circle. My mom is one who has helped me countless times in starting new “diets” you know helping contribute to buying the right foods. Supporting me and accompanying me at WeightWatcher meetings, and in turn she herself has become so much healthier. She is looking GREAT! I am so proud of her and what she has accomplished over the last year or so. She is one busy lady who keeps herself going from early AM to late PM…I don’t see how she does it. However I am sure her being healthy has helped a lot.

Well anyway today is a pretty good day. Pretty good energy, and trying to keep it going. I am excited to be on this new journey and need to keep up this excitement. Bring on a 2nd week!!

Time to get out...

So we all know, well those of you who know me that is, that I love to shop. So what better thing to do but go and hit the mall. I mean I need to get walking so why not shop while walking...right??? It was great fun I walked in and out of stores, and tried not to stand still for to long. I picked up a pair of jeans and then told myself "NO" just wait. Yes I know I resisted the temptation, amazing. However this was just in the first store, my all time favorite store of LB (Lane Bryant for those who have never worn a size 14 or larger) Walked around a little looked at all the cute summer things and started getting excited, but realized I needed to just hold off. This is going to be tough. Believe me. I then made my way down to the other end of the mall and found another CUTE pair of jeans. Super CUTE jeans! I couldn't resist...So I tried them on. Grabbed 2 sizes my 22's (size I am in although not my largest that would be 24) and a size 20. I usually have the feeling try the big size on first so when the big size fits you aren't depressed as badly because the first pair did not fit. However this time around i decided what the hay. So I went for the 20 first, and guess what it fit. My butt looked good!! lol I was feeling like a hottie. No more saggy butt jeans and frumpy...although to be honest I did have a little muffin top, but it wasn't anything like before. I was so excited, this is the part where i say and well i couldn't part with them. So now I have a new pair of jeans. WAHOOO, but....I did good. I refrained! Yes they made my butt look cute and i definitely felt good in them, but I have decided to be patient and go through some of my old clothes first. I have to be good!! Needless to say by the end of the evening I did get in a pretty good walk for as much energy as I had.

However, I forgot to make it up to try on those new EasyTone Reebok Shoes, the ones that "make" your butt look good. You all know what I am talking about. Heck the commercial comes on and i know we all are thinking if they will really do that for me i am buying a pair. Fernando seems to think that if i just walk around barefoot it will do the same thing for me, but I am thinking not true. Hello don't we all want that butt?

Back to reality...

So today is my first day back to work after surgery and recovery, and what can I say, but it is bitter sweet. I like the idea of having something to do, but not being able to take a nap when I want is the bitter part. It is 9 am and I am longing to lay my head down. I have been up since 4:30am and time doesn’t seem to go buy quick enough. You can only chat with your friends for so long before you need to get busy and really accomplish something. My energy is a little drained, but I know that will change in time. I really am trying to be optimistic about this whole thing. Things are going good. People have been so sweet to me saying that I look good, and they can tell I have already lost weight. Who knows if they are really telling the truth, but it sure can make a girl feel good about her-self. I have 3 different types of beverages sitting on my desk. A 32 oz of crystal light, my coffee mug aka beef broth mug, and my bottle of propel. I look like a 7 eleven.

Liquid diet...

So we are on day 4 of liquid diet, and getting bored. Although the scale is looking nice. If I am to base my weight-loss off the scale here at home I would be down 10lbs already. Now don't get to excited. I mean don't get me wrong I am not selling myself short on this, it is definitely an accomplishment, but I am on a liquid diet. (Its amazing how excited I am to start eating oatmeal next week. Ahhh the small things we tend to appreciate once they are gone.) Plus my starting weight was as the hospital. So I figure my official weigh in will be this coming Thursday. Which will be exactly a week after surgery. Things are going pretty well. I am not as full of energy as I would like, but I know it will come. I am still enthusiastic about the journey to come. Anyway I will keep you updated on my thoughts and feelings and hope only to motivate as well as keep myself going on the path of HEALTHY-LIVING!!!

Day of and post op experiences...

Alright since I have some time here you go. Some updates on what is going on. So Wednesday night last week the 28th Fernando and I drove up to Idaho Falls. Pretty peaceful drive which was nice. I was a little concerned about the weather. You just never know. To be honest I think I was more nervous about the weather then my actual surgery. Anyway we got in probably around 7ish which was making really good time, and relaxed for a few minutes. Then decided it was time to go and get some grub. You know last super and all.

Now please keep in mind the last 2 weeks I have been on what they call a liver shrinking diet. The main reason is to help make things smaller inside to help the surgeon to move around a little easier. Well lets just say it was a difficult 2 weeks, and well being as it was my "last" super. I had to live it up. So Fernando and I headed over to TGI Friday's and enjoyed some wonderful appetizers and some wonderful food. Although I did feel a little guilty after, but hey i had to be a little bit of a rebel. i capped the night off with a Snickers bar and went fast to sleep. I needed chocolate so i figured a snickers would satisfy my hunger...lol

The next morning I showered and took my time getting ready and woke Fernando up around 5-5:15ish and feeling fairly calm drove to the hospital. We got in there right on time and had to wait a few minutes to do all the admitting stuff. You know as in if you die who gets your stuff and who will be paying for this. All the really important stuff.

Then I was taken off to be weighed in...ahhh lets see how good this is I think to myself. 275 is what i weighed in I guess I lost my 5lbs binging prior to my 2 weeks low cal and lost another 5. Oh and here is a weird thing, for the longest time i have been saying I am 5'4" but the nurse said i was 5'5"...I am not sure If I totally believe this, being as she was fairly short herself, but hey maybe so.

I was then bombarded by staff one drawing blood and putting in my IV the other asking me multiple questions, EKG, and all this fun stuff. Fernando was really good he just watched and kept me company as I was really starting to look silly in my whole hospital garb. A few more questions by the anesthesiologist and then off to the surgery waiting room. Said my goodbyes to Fernando and was on my way. The plan was the surgeon would start at 7:30 I would be out by 8:30 and in recovery till 9:30, and then moved to the room. Honestly it was like clock work it really was pretty close to that time line. All i remember is being told they were going to strap my arms down and i was out. The next thing I know is I hear someone saying "Heather, Heather" and I was in the recovery room. Joking around with my nurse and being sarcastic. Good times. Got up to my room and Fernando was waiting. What a man! He was right there for me. It was nice to see him after all of this.

Around 11ish i was changing and getting ready to walk around. The nurse had said the sooner you get walking around the better. so being the star student I am I told myself from the beginning I would be walking around in no time, and I was. Also the big motivation for walking and standing up was the gas. i know this is very personal and some may not want to read about this, but seriously this gas hurt. They have to fill the body cavity up with gas to help the surgeon to get around a lot better and the only way to get it out is to toot or burp. so there goes all lady like habits out the door. There was no way I was going to hold that in with the pain it was causing. So burping and farting I went. my mom would be so proud...lol

It’s crazy to think that tomorrow around this time I will be in surgery if not almost done. I am nervous and excited, and so many things are going through my head. I keep reading my manual on what to expect and what to do, and keep thinking there is going to be no way I am going to remember all of this. I have this tendency to stress and “sweat the small things”. Yes I know all of you will say I will be just fine, but in the back of my mind I keep thinking about the “what-if’s”. I want to do everything right the first time around, someone asked me the other day if I could die during surgery. I know he was just joking around, but seriously, I could. I mean yes the chances are slim, but still its one of those things that does cross your mind. Anyhow I am ready for this new adventure and life change, but nervous too.

So on the lighter side of things…its time to clean out the cupboards. Yes my pasta, bread, buns, tortillas, potatoes are a thing of the past and will be leaving my house for a long while. Its time to get serious, and not have temptation in my pathway. So anyone wanting to increase food storage let me know I will send it your way.

The beginning of thinking thin...

So I didn’t just come out and say it, but I am getting weight-loss surgery, Lap-band surgery to be exact. I know what you are thinking…well I know what I have thought at least. Never in my mind did I ever think I would use this method in attaining the weigh-loss and healthy lifestyle that I have coveted of so many others. Never did I think it would come to this, but after dealing with weight problems and being healthy for over 19 years of my life. It is time to try something new. Some people may say I am taking the “easy” way out, and to them I say…do your research and really find out its not as easy as you think, and to those who support me in this endeavor and life change, I thank you. The decision to use this method is not one taken lightly or made in haste. I have definitely done my research as well as tried many different methods. But at age 29 5ft 4 inches and weighing in at 281 lbs my max, I have decided things have go to change. I want to be healthy and learn to live a healthy active lifestyle. I have dreams of being able to go skiing with my family and not killing myself while doing so. (Just a side note of that dream I have lived in Utah for 25 years of my life and never have gone skiing. Why not make it happen in my 30th year. ) I want so much to have children, but feel that bringing children into my life at this weight is not only dangerous, but unfair to them. I do not want my children to go through some of the same things that I went through.

On a lighter note my surgery is scheduled for the 29th of April. We are on the count down. Only 4 days away. It has been a long journey to be prepped and get insurance approval. Defiantly played the waiting game and now the day is fast approaching. Everyone asks how I feel, and really there is one way to respond to this, excited and nervous. Excited to start on this new adventure and succeed, and nervous to be sedated (never had surgery in my life) and nervous that I will fail. As I have noted above I have done many different things in my life to loose weight. I remember my first diet in 4th grade and it being the cabbage soup diet. I have tried so many different things in my life and failed or not reached that end result that I had set out to reach that I am nervous this will be the same thing. I am trying so hard to think optimistically that I WILL see my end result. This is going to be the beginning of the rest of my life.

Thin Thought Thinking...

The beginning of thin thoughts… I have decided that it is time to document my feelings, emotions, thoughts and journey as I embark on this new adventure and beginning of a life of being thin. I am not doing this for those reading and hoping to change someone’s way of thinking, but doing this for myself. I do not proclaim myself a writer let alone someone who does well with grammar and punctuation, just ask my husband. But I do know this, it needs to be done for myself. I know there will be ups and downs and I need to have somewhere to go to reflect on these times. To write down how I feel and hope that being able to reflect on the good times when bad times come I hope this will help to push me forward. This is the beginning of a new me. A new me that has wanted to come out for 19 years, and is starting to evolve. Its time! It’s going to happen this time around.