The "real" me...not for the faint of heart....

So I have been hesitant to do this. Thinking I would wait until I had reached my goal weight, but I have come to the conclusion that if people want to really get to know me they are going to have to see me in all my glory...(well not all my glory, but you get the idea.) The picture on the left was taken in Feb. 2009 as my before pic. of my boot camp attempt and the second pic is dated today. Please note this swimsuit will never be worn in public only purchased for this type of thing, don't judge me...it was only $.50. Its interesting to compare and definitely motivates me to keep working, to not give up and to really make this happen. The woman I have dreamed of being will be here sooner then I can imagine.

The before pic is probably about 270 mind you I maxed out on surgery day at 275. My today weight is 233...lots more to go. Please notice the 2nd pic of back view you can see my back strap on my suit....hmmmm I wonder where that went in the first picture.

4 days and counting...

So this last week I have made a commitment to myself to work out daily. So far we are 4 for 4 and I am hoping it will get easier. I am trying to use all my willpower and coordination to go to Zumba. The new latin infused, hip-hop, dance freakie, aerobic workout. So my local Rec. Center offers these Zumba classes that are included in my monthly membership. So I figure I might as well take advantage of them right? RIGHT! So I decide to lace up my shoes and off to class I go. Thinking, oh wait knowing, that I can bust a move with the best so I should be just fine. Final last words...All i know is I did not realize that my feet could get so twisted up. All I can picture is the story my mom use to tell me about her getting so twisted up in her skis on her honeymoon that the ski patrol had a difficult time untwisting her. I can seriously picture it, and now I am following in her footsteps. Minus the snow and skis and mountain and a few other things, but that is besides the point. Even though I may trip over my feet more then once, I must admit I do still have fun. 60 mins of laughing at myself, and smiling is great for ones inner self. I love a workout that goes by fast, makes me "glisten" and burns calories. Oh and can I just say the woman teaching the class, I believe her name to be Tess, well all I can say is if I keep doing this and end up looking like her I will be one happy camper. She is 41 and looks no older then 31...here's to looking 10 years younger.

Speaking of which, my 30th is knocking on the door. I cant say that I am not happy about this, but somewhat shocked. Where did all this time go? I can not believe that I am almost 30 I do feel like I just graduated high school and that I was just living with mom and dad. Seriously I am an adult, how did this happen? I can not believe that I have allowed so much time to past and not accomplish some of the things I had thought I would by this time in life, and no we are not talking children. Although to take a step back and think that when my mother was my age she had 3 children...well that is a little bit of a snatch my breath thing. I do have friends with 3 children, but I can honestly say I can not imagine my life with 3, and I don't think I would have done this differently. There are reasons for everything and me not having children in life well I do think it is a blessing. I think if I had children this journey of weight loss may have never happened...along with so many other things.

Ok now for a not so serious note. So being as my 30th is knocking on the door. February 15th to be exact. I am looking to do something fun. Something BIG!! To celebrate the birthday along with this new journey in life. I am thinking something tropical or cruise like. Any suggestions or ideas?

500

Well last night after doing some lovely cleaning and cooking I sat down for a minute to relax and on came "Biggest Loser" immediately I felt guilty for not exercising or going to the gym. Man guilt sure can run away with me that is for sure. So me being the person I am and have a hard time dealing with guilt gets thinking, OK I need to be doing something. Exercising, something to get going. So while I am watching the show the 1st challenge comes on which is used in illuminating people and qualifying them to go to the ranch. The challenge is 500 steps and who can do it the fastest. Me being the person I am thinks to myself..."500 steps, that is easy". Then I think to myself "if its so easy then do it". I hesitate for a minute thinking nahhh...I just know I can do it. No need to prove it to anyone, but then think to myself well I do need to get my workout in tonight, so why not?! So I head over to my top stair and start counting. 1,2,3....50...100...and so and, and so on. By 250 I am definitely moving a lot slower, and starting to glisten. I keep going and push through to 500, and seriously got my heart rate going. Not as easy as it looked, definitely doable, but not a piece of cake that is for sure. Now on to bigger things!

Has it really been this long??

Well I am sure that a certain friend of mine would exclaim YES to the question above, and I wish I had a good enough excuse as to why it has been so long. I honestly think that things started changing for me and well I was not living up to the standard or expectations that I had set for myself. I guess that is one of my flaws and something I need to work on. These past few months the weight has started to slow down a little when it comes to coming off. What I mean by this is well I am still loosing, but I its not melting off as easy as I would like it to. Yes such is life, and yes I knew this would happen, but really I was not emotionally prepared for this. I took it as a failure. I have beaten myself up when it comes to this. If I was not averaging 2lbs loss a week, well I was feeling terrible about myself. I was going back to my emotions pre-surgery and pre-weight loss attempts. Getting myself thinking that I was just going to fail again. I know, I know it all takes time and hang in there you will get through this. I know all the sayings and all the thoughts to just "buck up", and "your doing great". I have heard it all, but it honestly did not matter to me what anyone said, I myself needed to feel like I was doing great.

So I finally had a breakthrough, it took me a while, but it came. So lately I have decided its time to clean up things in life. You know if I am changing my outward appearance why not work on cleaning up things around me. So starting with my craft room/office I did just that. With many different things in this room from old bills to drills and thread to candles there was a lot to go through, and on thing I happened to come across is something that really made my day. I found an old booklet I had from Weight Watchers. I am sure many of us have seen them, they are a tri-fold booklet with your weight for the day and then your loss for that week. Stamped each time you attend the meeting and accumulate your weight loss. Well I found one (meaning I probably have more then one floating around) of mine from 2008. A little more then 2 years ago with my lowest weight tracked at 244. I looked at that again 244 in 2008...wow I am lower then that! REally! WOW I guess I have made some changes, I thought to myself. I know, I know what you are thinking...duh Heather we have told you that, but to be honest I was just not feeling it. So seeing this has really helped. To see some past history where I was not able to reach my goals and to now see myself pass the past weight loss tries. Well I guess it motivated me, helped me to realize again I can do this. Pumped me up if you will! ANyway I am back and ready to do this. Lifes trials are just that trials and tries. Its time to TRY at this TRIAL and SUCCEED!!