It’s crazy to think that tomorrow around this time I will be in surgery if not almost done. I am nervous and excited, and so many things are going through my head. I keep reading my manual on what to expect and what to do, and keep thinking there is going to be no way I am going to remember all of this. I have this tendency to stress and “sweat the small things”. Yes I know all of you will say I will be just fine, but in the back of my mind I keep thinking about the “what-if’s”. I want to do everything right the first time around, someone asked me the other day if I could die during surgery. I know he was just joking around, but seriously, I could. I mean yes the chances are slim, but still its one of those things that does cross your mind. Anyhow I am ready for this new adventure and life change, but nervous too.

So on the lighter side of things…its time to clean out the cupboards. Yes my pasta, bread, buns, tortillas, potatoes are a thing of the past and will be leaving my house for a long while. Its time to get serious, and not have temptation in my pathway. So anyone wanting to increase food storage let me know I will send it your way.

The beginning of thinking thin...

So I didn’t just come out and say it, but I am getting weight-loss surgery, Lap-band surgery to be exact. I know what you are thinking…well I know what I have thought at least. Never in my mind did I ever think I would use this method in attaining the weigh-loss and healthy lifestyle that I have coveted of so many others. Never did I think it would come to this, but after dealing with weight problems and being healthy for over 19 years of my life. It is time to try something new. Some people may say I am taking the “easy” way out, and to them I say…do your research and really find out its not as easy as you think, and to those who support me in this endeavor and life change, I thank you. The decision to use this method is not one taken lightly or made in haste. I have definitely done my research as well as tried many different methods. But at age 29 5ft 4 inches and weighing in at 281 lbs my max, I have decided things have go to change. I want to be healthy and learn to live a healthy active lifestyle. I have dreams of being able to go skiing with my family and not killing myself while doing so. (Just a side note of that dream I have lived in Utah for 25 years of my life and never have gone skiing. Why not make it happen in my 30th year. ) I want so much to have children, but feel that bringing children into my life at this weight is not only dangerous, but unfair to them. I do not want my children to go through some of the same things that I went through.

On a lighter note my surgery is scheduled for the 29th of April. We are on the count down. Only 4 days away. It has been a long journey to be prepped and get insurance approval. Defiantly played the waiting game and now the day is fast approaching. Everyone asks how I feel, and really there is one way to respond to this, excited and nervous. Excited to start on this new adventure and succeed, and nervous to be sedated (never had surgery in my life) and nervous that I will fail. As I have noted above I have done many different things in my life to loose weight. I remember my first diet in 4th grade and it being the cabbage soup diet. I have tried so many different things in my life and failed or not reached that end result that I had set out to reach that I am nervous this will be the same thing. I am trying so hard to think optimistically that I WILL see my end result. This is going to be the beginning of the rest of my life.

Thin Thought Thinking...

The beginning of thin thoughts… I have decided that it is time to document my feelings, emotions, thoughts and journey as I embark on this new adventure and beginning of a life of being thin. I am not doing this for those reading and hoping to change someone’s way of thinking, but doing this for myself. I do not proclaim myself a writer let alone someone who does well with grammar and punctuation, just ask my husband. But I do know this, it needs to be done for myself. I know there will be ups and downs and I need to have somewhere to go to reflect on these times. To write down how I feel and hope that being able to reflect on the good times when bad times come I hope this will help to push me forward. This is the beginning of a new me. A new me that has wanted to come out for 19 years, and is starting to evolve. Its time! It’s going to happen this time around.