knocks me on my butt..

It never fails...ok sometimes it does, but it seems like when I'm feeling good. Things are going the way they need to be going and something has to mess it up. Mess up my "groove". The lovely thing to do that was a stinkin cold. After spending a lovely weekend with family I start not feeling so great, and then it hits me a STUPID cold. Blowing noses and having body aches along with headaches and pains makes it very difficult to keep working out. I was in the groove and have lost it. Today I am FINALLY starting to feel whole again and need to jump on the speeding train that is flying past me, but I'm a little nervous. It seems like ages since the gym, and with "Spring" and Summer looming in the not so far future I need to bust my butt. Time to push myself. PUSH myself HARD and make up for lost time. So here it is...time to commit to working out today. BABY-BIG STEPS is what I need to be making tonight. It has to HAPPEN! Positive thinking, Positive WORDS! Positive THOUGHTS! RIGHT!?? RIGHT! I am so happy for the seasons to change and SPRING and SUMMER that I can taste it. I'm ready for shorts and summer dresses, and playing outside.

30 and counting...

So this past month I just hit the 30 mark. No not 30lbs I have surpassed that, but 30 years. Crazy to think that I am now 30 and actually feeling like I am 20. Life is good. I am still working hard towards accomplishing my weight loss goals. Lately I have fluctuated with about 5lbs and have had a hard time breaking through this. BUT! with positive thinking as well as some sweat and tears things are starting to go my way. I thought for sure I would break the 200 mark before my birthday on the 15th of February, but that has come and gone with not so much luck. I look back and KNOW exactly why this didn't happen, and beat myself up a little bit for not making it happen, but this is in the past. I am ready to work hard and reach these goals now. I have a new found motivation and new goals to work towards. I'm excited and ready to get this show back on the FAST TRACK! So with that being said my new goal of breaking the 200 lb mark is set for April 15th. YEP that gives me a month and a half to loose about 25lbs. THIS is definitely do-ABLE...It will be tough, but worth it. I'm excited for this new goal. I look back and think of how long it has been since I was under 200lbs and to be honest I have NO idea. I was not a scale user in high school, and out of high school I was a little over 200lbs. SO basically I am thinking it has been over 11 years since I have been under 200lbs. SO be PREPARED people when I hit 199 I AM GOING TO DO IT UP BIG. Hmmm maybe a ROLLER SKATING PARTY!..lol Something to mark this HUGE step in the right direction, but we are not using food. I want to start changing my way of thinking when it comes to this type of thing and stop celebrating with food. I want to become more active and try new things or old things at that. So to those of you who read this, I hope you are ready to strap on some roller skates with me come the 15th of April, BECAUSE I am DETERMINED to reach this GOAL!!

My hobby of shopping...

So those of you who know me, know that I enjoy going shopping. I love keeping up with the new trends and seasons. Although I am not going to lie there are some trends I have a difficult time embracing and not just because of size. Possibly because I wore it when I was 7 and to wear it again when I am 29...well I have some hesitation.

After loosing about 50lbs it was time to help the "girls" get back into place. It amazing what a bra that fits will do for ones "girls" and body shape. Gots to love some new bras. This is one of my new addition's. I love it!

Don't exactly look like that in it, but hey its the thought that counts! Its great to see the "girls" front and center!

Commitment

So this afternoon I am heading out with my lovely hubby and friends to Vegas and Cali. I am excited. We will be road tripping it and be gone for about 5 days. I am excited and nervous all the same. It will be great to be on the road enjoying each others company, but I am nervous as to what the scale will read when I return. So this is my vow as well as commitment to workout while on vacation as well as eat right. I don't want to come back 5lbs heavier, in fact I want to see a weight loss if at all possible. Got to keep on track. I am finally in the 220's and feeling good. I want to see 199 before New Years...so no time to waist.

Ahhh the small things...

Ok so I am a little embarassed to admit this, and its kind of silly at the same time. So last week as I was driving to pick up my husband from work 2 guys hit on me. Ok, ok...now dont jump to conclusions here. No I was not fishing to be hit on and NO I was not wearing the bikini shown below. I just happened to be driving the car on a beautiful fall summer like day with the windows down. I was enjoying my tunes when I pulled up to a red light. Not thinking anything of it I hear someone say "HEY" I ignore and make some stereo adjustments and hear another "hey you" I look over and 2 guys are pulled up next to me the driver leaning over his buddy and both of them saying hey. I look over with a little bit of hesitation and say "hey" with my brows furled in a little bit of confusion. They proceed to try small talk, first about the car, which is funny because all I know about my car is learned from Fernando, and I keep thinking he would be so proud of me because I was actually listening when he told me about the car...lol. Secondly they proceed to say well we really like your car and its very nice looking and then they say "you look really good in it" followed with "but I am sure you already know that" and I reply with a ..."thanks"...believe me with some hesitation...it was a very weird and somewhat awkward situation, but I am not going to lie after the light turned green and I was heading on my way to pick up Fernando I thought to myself...I STILL GO IT!...lol Its funny that something like this can give you that extra little pick me up to think that you can do this! I am not going to lie the old me started to think of things like oh geeze these guys are probably just being jerks and having a good laugh now that "the fat girl" thinks that we were hitting on her. Or really all they cared about was the car. Yes, yes these are the thoughts I would have grown up with. Gots to love the low self-esteem that comes with being overweight for so long. I always wanted so badly to be thought of as beautiful and what one may have called a potential threat to other girls in the dating scene almost 10 or more years ago, but I just never had that. OK...now to stop the pitty party. Please do keep in mind I do not think I am ugly, however my actual body-image not so great. There is no doubt in my mind that Fernando does think I am beautiful and treats me as so. In fact he is actually really good at telling me so, and NO it does not take a perfect stranger to make me feel beautiful. However I am not going to lie and tell you that a perfect stranger going out of his way to say so...well it does make me feel good. So is that wrong? I mean I know I am married, but is there something wrong with this. Oh and a side not I did tell my husband after picking him up and he was MORE proud of the fact that I knew the stuff about the car then the fact that some guy was flirting...lol...doesnt surprise me...lol...Anyway.... I still have a lot to work on body image wise, and heres to feeling beautiful on the inside and out, feeling stronger, and reaching my goals of a lifetime! Heres to being my HOT self at 30!!

The "real" me...not for the faint of heart....

So I have been hesitant to do this. Thinking I would wait until I had reached my goal weight, but I have come to the conclusion that if people want to really get to know me they are going to have to see me in all my glory...(well not all my glory, but you get the idea.) The picture on the left was taken in Feb. 2009 as my before pic. of my boot camp attempt and the second pic is dated today. Please note this swimsuit will never be worn in public only purchased for this type of thing, don't judge me...it was only $.50. Its interesting to compare and definitely motivates me to keep working, to not give up and to really make this happen. The woman I have dreamed of being will be here sooner then I can imagine.

The before pic is probably about 270 mind you I maxed out on surgery day at 275. My today weight is 233...lots more to go. Please notice the 2nd pic of back view you can see my back strap on my suit....hmmmm I wonder where that went in the first picture.

4 days and counting...

So this last week I have made a commitment to myself to work out daily. So far we are 4 for 4 and I am hoping it will get easier. I am trying to use all my willpower and coordination to go to Zumba. The new latin infused, hip-hop, dance freakie, aerobic workout. So my local Rec. Center offers these Zumba classes that are included in my monthly membership. So I figure I might as well take advantage of them right? RIGHT! So I decide to lace up my shoes and off to class I go. Thinking, oh wait knowing, that I can bust a move with the best so I should be just fine. Final last words...All i know is I did not realize that my feet could get so twisted up. All I can picture is the story my mom use to tell me about her getting so twisted up in her skis on her honeymoon that the ski patrol had a difficult time untwisting her. I can seriously picture it, and now I am following in her footsteps. Minus the snow and skis and mountain and a few other things, but that is besides the point. Even though I may trip over my feet more then once, I must admit I do still have fun. 60 mins of laughing at myself, and smiling is great for ones inner self. I love a workout that goes by fast, makes me "glisten" and burns calories. Oh and can I just say the woman teaching the class, I believe her name to be Tess, well all I can say is if I keep doing this and end up looking like her I will be one happy camper. She is 41 and looks no older then 31...here's to looking 10 years younger.

Speaking of which, my 30th is knocking on the door. I cant say that I am not happy about this, but somewhat shocked. Where did all this time go? I can not believe that I am almost 30 I do feel like I just graduated high school and that I was just living with mom and dad. Seriously I am an adult, how did this happen? I can not believe that I have allowed so much time to past and not accomplish some of the things I had thought I would by this time in life, and no we are not talking children. Although to take a step back and think that when my mother was my age she had 3 children...well that is a little bit of a snatch my breath thing. I do have friends with 3 children, but I can honestly say I can not imagine my life with 3, and I don't think I would have done this differently. There are reasons for everything and me not having children in life well I do think it is a blessing. I think if I had children this journey of weight loss may have never happened...along with so many other things.

Ok now for a not so serious note. So being as my 30th is knocking on the door. February 15th to be exact. I am looking to do something fun. Something BIG!! To celebrate the birthday along with this new journey in life. I am thinking something tropical or cruise like. Any suggestions or ideas?